I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
