the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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