i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
