I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
