finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
