you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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