if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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