i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
