how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
