You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
