Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
