I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
