Well apparently he's into motor boating.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
