dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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