it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
