His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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