Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The Olympian is in my bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He did a backflip because drugs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
