Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
