Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
