I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
