and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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