spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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