I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
being pregnant is like rehab
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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