why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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