Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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