I just made out with a guy for $7.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
