she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
