so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
