Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
