ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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