Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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