I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
