One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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