And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
