remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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