Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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