you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
