i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
