Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
