lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
