after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
