they need to just BURY HIM!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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