Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
