My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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