youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
