he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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