I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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