So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
