that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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