I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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