i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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