Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
