So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
