I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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