thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
