smell my finger.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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