I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
