if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
