I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
